"The Other Side Of Me."

the world stands apart....
from me......

they all left me on my own.....

Sitting on the roadside of a tunnel....with a minimum light ....is me .....
the dark side ......which hates being in light...hates to meet people....hates to do good,
hates to think about love.......
i stand beside him....as he laughs.....on me....
did the change happened ?....
Nope 
 .....how ashamed i am .....he said....

didn't the good deeds worked ?........
pity on you guy......
every time u try to do good.....
challenging  me... for the every cause i desire
....you waste the energy the body has...
the energy i share....because i am in this body too......

what makes u believe anyone would love you ?......
why ? 
for what ?
what can u do for them ?.....
your words are not magical ..
they are too deceiving to be true..
even if they are not......
they are just good to hear....not feasible in practicality

what the hell made you try to kill yourself ?......
he hit me to the ground.......
don't ever think of ......ending my existence....otherwise u wont be that wise again.....

y don't u just leave me on my own ?.....i asked
because i never had choice....and you never had anything good by you .....your body was the perfect place
i had......

actually , i know why are you after love .......its nothing to do with feelings .....its just that
you wanna get rid of me.......right ?.....

you wish , that happens ......because i won't let that happen......

because i m the one ......who haunts her mind......i m the if in her every sentence.....
i m the fear she has for you.......

because wherever you reside.....
i am always with you......just to make things more difficult for you 


i am the very much part of you......why you forget that..........

i have so much control over you....and i am so powerful that no one gets to see your kindness,
its all me........

all you get to hear....is "you are different when present in person and different when on phone"

come on ....don't waste time......let me drive it the way it was before.......
she wont comeback....and i promise....i wont let her comeback even if she does.....

i cant let the body to weaken up for a stupid thing called love.......

i tried to hit him on to that face of his.....but he swiftly turned and hit me hard ...
that got me down lying on the surface......

you are weak.....your love got you ...i am way too stronger than you.....don't even try that....
i ll make your life hell......i promise......

i give you some time to think or consult your love........i ll be back .....

i lie down ....is not able to get up....realize some day the feelings the one keeps inside
of him......can take that form one day....if they aren't valued.....

"Nothing in this dies.....not even the feelings.......they change forms from one another

to change or turn life , the way they want or fight a never ending war of existence..."

A Dream I Had....

The day i collapsed .....
with everything meant important to me......hitting me hard.....

I felt at-least she would be there to support me......
But it didn't happened , Maybe for her good 
or
Maybe I was wishing for too much..!!!

Never had been an incident in occurrence that may have made her trust me  and my honesty......
Everything bad happening around me, had me into believing ....
that there was no tomorrow.....

Even if there was one
it was not worth living for......not with the present circumstances.

Everyone and Everything just agitated the fact.....i was unlucky......
they had a reason to prove.......

Everyone had something or somewhat to their name......
success
Some had people supporting them through their bad times ...
and fight with the dark time
to subside and subside , till it disappeared.......

i on the other hand ....had nothing.....just my hopes which remain as a pain with me ,
 if i compare
with people having love as the part of their life......

If someone asks me what have i done in my life......i won't have anything to say....
nothing to believe, it did happened, not for the good , but it did just because
it had too.

people ask why do you live in the world you dream off......
I have just an answer to give...... 

My reality is too dreadful to be in......
they all hate being with me because i am unlucky.
it makes everyone after they realize in real......
keep distance from me......

being among people ...... with pity eyes....just show they are ready to help
but never turn up when needed.....always ready to use you for their good......
when done......
leave you saying its all for your good , i have to go....their is no other
way.......

apart from others in this world......she acts a bit strange.......

she cares about me but does not love me......

she don't want me to go but is ready to leave at once on my call.....


i was very upset regarding my studies......what all i assumed .....perished in the reality
unseen , unknown to me........the world i never wished i was a part of......

i wanted to be with someone who could understand me......but i had no-one else other than her......

it really made me feel weak....when i realized ......
that the world didn't wanted me to stay.......
because whatever i tried or to the extent i tried was not acceptable to anyone.......

its the effect of every possible attachment of me to this world is giving up on me.....
starting or ending with her.......

i nearly had her lost to pain.....but she was unchanged ........
the world was unchanged .........unreasonable to me.......

she cried , i was unchanged on my decision to end me.......
i tried with only a cut not severe bleed......really had a bad luck i survived.......
what all she said on my giving her the news of my survival....really blew me out....
i wanted to die again....but my efforts died out with the strength.......

the night full , i was awake ......facing every bit of reality of mine.....

i slept in the morning....when it was about to sunshine,
i had a dream.....a dream too magical......to soothing to heal up my wounds.....
what it signified , i don't know.....
why ? the reason i wont be able to justify.....
but it happened.....

i had a dream.....
i was alone somewhere......
i don't know how i ended up there....and to my surprise
she was sitting beside me........

she kept a hand around me and asked........what happened ?
i said nothing
she said " then why are you acting so weird ?"

i said " i have nothing left with me.....but the world still greed from me"
 they want everything .....and they wont stop until they get the flesh this body
has......i don't know what wrong have i done to them.....to you.....
because the day you told me .....
it can never happen again.....it gave me a shock
and the day i had something positive to stop by me.....it worsened....

i felt i was no good ....even if i lived or died....it made no difference to the world
and now to u too.

"ohh i see then " that's what's causing you the problems.......she said

my eyes cried out expressing all that to her.......

she told me.....its all what fears me too....these days you are too unpredictable....
i cant be sure of the day ....you would just pass away or walk away....

now you make me fear and hurt myself.....all what you have made me suffer .....just for
the sake of that care i have for u...it all got accumulated in the form of anger for you
you just need to make efforts to make me trust you .....make me forget that....be patient
and be the one i loved....because you have changed.....and i have tried and failed to
recover that person in you.......

one day , the things may change.....but all what you did or had done.....
has just decreased
your chances more and more.....
but i ll still be with you......

i was hearing the same thing..i heard everyday....
so i stood up and start walking..
she came nearby me....took my hand and walked by my side.......


till now i don't know ......what happened...i cant say anything.......
but it may seem just another thought of my mind , and it may take me a long time
to make her believe it did happened......

" A Day Without Her "

Sometimes the life be so mean , to show someone this day.
his world ...his love.....everything taken away from him....and told him to survive

Everyone needs something to survive on.....it can be anything food, water , etc.
i need love .....my life back.

life be so mean ......it made it all happen ...when i was too much involved in
realizing reality with her...planning to the moments till a long time in future...
and make them survive till then.....

i know she isn't ready to commit......so am i......
she don't want any scene to be created....so i held myself.....thinking before taking any step
that cud make anyone blame her.......

its my decision to be with her..through all the times .....love makes me spend with her
even she wants me.....or not.....
its her decision whosoever she wants to be with in her tough time........
but its hurts if she doesn't chooses me.......

its been so many days , i have been talking to her, but it never makes it a very common
day getting repeated......

she sets my life on track.......making someone good from bad.....

i know i am still bad....i do things that hurt others.....
no one resisted , so it did became my habit......
but being with her ...makes me realize the real meaning of every action and the words said
that's when the good in me realizes how important is to never let that evil be  ever in control
.......

i care for her...not the way the world sees....but i do it in my way....
if she doesn't ignores my efforts .....which are not for making her move into my life
its like a kind gesture for being there.......

now when she is gone.....everything seems dead.....
i m weak...my wounds bleed......i see the blood drops felling everywhere.....
it pains when it bleeds......but not much when it pains to see her go........

it really make me skip my breaths......it let me keep myself on fire......
to punish myself.....for being guilty of what all happened.

no one else to be blamed.....the evil resides in me......the good resides in me
no matter whosoever causes the problem ......there's only one body to bear it......

i never had pass through the walls of the sacred place.....but my love for her made me to
i never told her.....because some things u do for ur loved ones are not always greedy of
appreciations.......

all in all .....its love when i m with her
and hell when she is not there....