Anxious Me - I

I feel so blank...at finding my answers ...
to the questions you left unanswered ....and you dont
bother at all....

I am frustrated with my inabilities to let it go
as i am unable to kill all my feelings for her ...
and unable to bear her total ignorance.....

What do i really want ?
i never have an answer to this question by her ....
as i never wanna hurt her and neither i want my feelings
to get ignored...

I don't know what matters to her....she changed in all..
and maybe she changed for all good...
its only me...totally fighting for a change..

A change that'll make everything normal.....

She seems happy ...as i started to keep distances from
her..her wish...she asked for it...
no matter what it costs me..and i am paying for that
till today ....

I have a divergence in my life...
a life full of past relevances ...unpredictables leads
me ..at one way
and a life to be with her ..and my feelings leads me at
other..

I wont have anything more or less , if i choose the first
one , what we call a practical life...a secure life..
where everything excepts love awaits you....to make
your a living dream and a hell at the same time..

On the other hand ..awaits a girl..who has differences
in nature,life , etc ...when compared with my own..
She promises to come along ...but she isn't good
at keeping promises ....
what if she leaves me ..in the middle of the path ...
and walk away...saying you ll find someone else to walk
along....
What if ...she maybe using me to reach the end of that
unpredictable path..and would ditch ..after securing her
needs...
What if the curse follows me..to that road , unknown
..where i cant even rely on her..its never a guarantee
that she would not change....

In both paths..its sure i wont be surviving for long
as i am not meant to be a part of anyone's life..even
my forever lasts a few years ....
as i have lived more than half of my forever...

I wish..my life was a little simpler..that could
be overcome the difficulties put into by destiny..

"The Other Side Of Me."

the world stands apart....
from me......

they all left me on my own.....

Sitting on the roadside of a tunnel....with a minimum light ....is me .....
the dark side ......which hates being in light...hates to meet people....hates to do good,
hates to think about love.......
i stand beside him....as he laughs.....on me....
did the change happened ?....
Nope 
 .....how ashamed i am .....he said....

didn't the good deeds worked ?........
pity on you guy......
every time u try to do good.....
challenging  me... for the every cause i desire
....you waste the energy the body has...
the energy i share....because i am in this body too......

what makes u believe anyone would love you ?......
why ? 
for what ?
what can u do for them ?.....
your words are not magical ..
they are too deceiving to be true..
even if they are not......
they are just good to hear....not feasible in practicality

what the hell made you try to kill yourself ?......
he hit me to the ground.......
don't ever think of ......ending my existence....otherwise u wont be that wise again.....

y don't u just leave me on my own ?.....i asked
because i never had choice....and you never had anything good by you .....your body was the perfect place
i had......

actually , i know why are you after love .......its nothing to do with feelings .....its just that
you wanna get rid of me.......right ?.....

you wish , that happens ......because i won't let that happen......

because i m the one ......who haunts her mind......i m the if in her every sentence.....
i m the fear she has for you.......

because wherever you reside.....
i am always with you......just to make things more difficult for you 


i am the very much part of you......why you forget that..........

i have so much control over you....and i am so powerful that no one gets to see your kindness,
its all me........

all you get to hear....is "you are different when present in person and different when on phone"

come on ....don't waste time......let me drive it the way it was before.......
she wont comeback....and i promise....i wont let her comeback even if she does.....

i cant let the body to weaken up for a stupid thing called love.......

i tried to hit him on to that face of his.....but he swiftly turned and hit me hard ...
that got me down lying on the surface......

you are weak.....your love got you ...i am way too stronger than you.....don't even try that....
i ll make your life hell......i promise......

i give you some time to think or consult your love........i ll be back .....

i lie down ....is not able to get up....realize some day the feelings the one keeps inside
of him......can take that form one day....if they aren't valued.....

"Nothing in this dies.....not even the feelings.......they change forms from one another

to change or turn life , the way they want or fight a never ending war of existence..."