Her Lies...

I remember , she once said
" think before you speak , as the words may hurt others ..and they may never be able to
forget that "....

Maybe it was only applicable for me...as i was expected to come out with words out of
total frustration ....

All i saw ...myself being made fun off ..by her and her friends ..

and two persons ..telling everyone ...that they love her ...and she also loves them

When anyone used to ask me....all i had to say was...I am a no-one ..to decide..
all i have is my feelings ....let her decide what is best for her ..and i wish for being
that one .....

Few months back ....all she used to say
that he was only her friend ....
and
it all started ..when the call at night by him...started to pinch a bit ...
the only thing was ....if he was just a friend ...then calling at night , everyday
seems a bit unusual ....
and her drastically changing reviews ...on him ....

from being just a friend to he needs me....
i have known him for more than i know you.......

and ending on her wish to get married to him....she did phrased it in a way it seemed that i forced
that on her.....

The scene at her birthday party ...with everyone ....assuming them a couple ....
and an facebook incident ...a status update changed to a...in all ...description of a hidden
love story ...
and she happily accepting everything with ease......

My fault is that I questioned to much ...in the quest to know..the reality

I just asked her ....about what all this meant ?
but she always used to ...go round and round about the topic .....
never clearing things ....

a friend of mine....added onto my problems ...as he too tried expressing too much...
and when i got to know....through his spread rumors.....it was all an end ..
and i just asked her ...to end that issue....
to which she resisted ...and it ended everything for me.....

I never actually gave any attention to her...making fun of my feelings or me..in front
of her friends..with me able to hear everything .....

she did said ...." she would ignore me ..and never wanted to see me..."

" I don't feel like talking to......you"

It added to her fun ...as always , when i used to hear everything she used to embarrass me
...and she used to question my self-respect too .....
which i used to ignore ..as i didn't wanted to worsen the situation more....

But i never had ....my answer and all i had were her excuses....

I never expected ...anyone to take my side ..as i never wished too....
all i wanted was the world to be with her ....
a world that didn't included me.....


Everything got reminded ....when her words reached me....
"If i shall meet you in the future...i'll ignore you ..
I never said anything like that....you were my best friend ..with whom I could talk about any stupid stuff .

However ....we both want different things from life ....
that is the reason .....we don't talk...not because i hate you or anything .."

Hate you ....she never said that ?
lie ...she used to end every sentence with that ...
with all i got to hear ...was either she hated me...or he needed her ..

Those moments ....still hit me hard..

Maybe..she may have forgotten ...
she asked me not to talk to her ....unless she literally typed in she wanted to talk


With whom ..i could talk about any stupid stuff .....
maybe she meant ..i was a time pass ...as it been 6 months and she never called
and went offline ...when i used to be online...
Put me ...in her restricted list on facebook...

and the last ...
her ignorance ....you were my best friend...
if i was her best friend...then why such justification.....

this wont make her realize ...she did everything right ...


I curse myself....to have fallen for her...
i curse myself ..to have considered her parents as mine...
and thought about them....before taking any step of confrontation....

I knew....no one would understand my feelings....
as the one ..the feelings was for .....never cared about it...
and i don't feel like confronting her lies.....

HER BIRTHDAY !!

Its day before her birthday....maybe the anxiety crosses each limit fixed for the special

day .....as i can die many times for this day.....its so special to me.

my happiness lasted few moments , when i just found out she broke my trust....
for her it maybe a small matter ...
but it mattered the most to me.....

i asked her to remove someone from her friend-list.....this wasn't the first time i had asked

....it took me many days fighting with her to get it done.......

i don't know what drove her to him....why she actually cared about hurting him....
after many lapses

i made her do it.......

but that day .....i found him again on her friend-list......she knew i was not on Facebook

so maybe she didn't felt telling me about the decision she made up on her own.....i got to

know that day, i had to confront her to know about why she did this...but her birthday was only

hours away......i couldn't resist...i called up to know the truth

how could she put a complete stranger ahead of my trust......she broke me down......i felt

like i could never trust anyone.......she said he said something emotional ...that led her

take that decision.....

the matter was not she added him again....the matter was she kept the info away from me..

knowing the fact , it could make her not trust her anymore.....

she said sorry.......that night ....and i made her cry......the thing that made me hate

myself more......

On her Birthday , i thought of making up for all her happiness i ruined that night.....so

i knew she would throw a party.....for her friends....she didn't invited me.....so i called

up to wish her , say sorry and i self-invited myself to her birthday party.

i didn't felt like going...my steps used to stop while making way out of my house......

at one stage, i just had made up my mind to give up on my presence in her party.

but someway i did get going......i reached there , the place all people were invited

i called her .....and she came out of the restaurant , to greet me .....

i made my way to the table where all her friends were already present....while filling steps

to the path leading.....i got nervous....i don't know what i felt....

never been to a personal party like this for about 4 years.....

life had stopped for me....since then......i sat down...near the friend i knew the most among

all of them....she had been there with me....since all my bad times.....she didn't knew

she helped me out very much.....i owe her because i was able to collect myself and face the

world again....

she came blew the candles off ...and cut the cake....persons sitting around our table

started noticing n being part of the celebrations.......

then some of her friends came by ....to wish her and share the cake.

everything was good till now.....i had forgot about yesterday and felt i was being part of her

life ...that i always wanted to be.....in person , in real.......

then it was all decided to switch place....as the birthday girl wanted to ...so we moved to

a restaurant of her choice ......

we were all having fun....i was upset with her still , just wanted her to notice...i thought

maybe she ll sit beside me and inquire.....and i really believed ...i could be just me

again.....

she was with her friends...sitting in the middle ...and her friend on her right....

rest ....i didn't mind being the one at the extreme corner of her side......

everything was going well , when suddenly him made entry into party.

it really shocked me for a while.....then suddenly i found myself being engulfed with fear

when i saw him....the first thing that came to my mind ....he is the one for her

but my love for her tried to move away every single possibility of it being a reality.

the seats changed ......only the first half re-assembled ...with him sitting with her

and me sitting far away from her.....with that my happiness started to fade away.

i couldn't focus my attention....to place other than where they both were sitting.....

i used to pinch myself every now then ....to make sure between reality and dream.

to my surprise it was a reality.....

then suddenly from no-where......her friend started to assume or maybe she spoke the truth.

i still don't know anything about it....

she tried to bring the time-table of her into notice ....with night spent either texting

or calling....which she said involving him and her......

even she involved a wish of her marriage.....maybe with him only......

i didn't had the strength to just pay attention to their talks....as i was just shocked

a little flashback drew my eyes.....i was not able to speak of my own.....barely using

words to answer even whats asked.........

nothing could have ever hurt me more than that.......i felt weakened...i had so much to

myself.....and it just added to it....making me realize the people i think are part of my

life....are just my illusion.....reality is far away from me.........

she used to come and sit in front of me.......just trying to console me down.....but

her actions were just not good enough for the situations i had to face.......

nothing happened after that.....and i just had switched off myself......

i just couldn't bear it.......

then when everyone left and just him, her and some of her friends were left....even i thought

of leaving ...because i thought my presence or absence wont make any difference...

i heard he made her cut another cake.....some more moments of they both being together....

i just feel.....feelings left me this while....wen i just felt like death was much easier

option for me than to survive