Her Lies...

I remember , she once said
" think before you speak , as the words may hurt others ..and they may never be able to
forget that "....

Maybe it was only applicable for me...as i was expected to come out with words out of
total frustration ....

All i saw ...myself being made fun off ..by her and her friends ..

and two persons ..telling everyone ...that they love her ...and she also loves them

When anyone used to ask me....all i had to say was...I am a no-one ..to decide..
all i have is my feelings ....let her decide what is best for her ..and i wish for being
that one .....

Few months back ....all she used to say
that he was only her friend ....
and
it all started ..when the call at night by him...started to pinch a bit ...
the only thing was ....if he was just a friend ...then calling at night , everyday
seems a bit unusual ....
and her drastically changing reviews ...on him ....

from being just a friend to he needs me....
i have known him for more than i know you.......

and ending on her wish to get married to him....she did phrased it in a way it seemed that i forced
that on her.....

The scene at her birthday party ...with everyone ....assuming them a couple ....
and an facebook incident ...a status update changed to a...in all ...description of a hidden
love story ...
and she happily accepting everything with ease......

My fault is that I questioned to much ...in the quest to know..the reality

I just asked her ....about what all this meant ?
but she always used to ...go round and round about the topic .....
never clearing things ....

a friend of mine....added onto my problems ...as he too tried expressing too much...
and when i got to know....through his spread rumors.....it was all an end ..
and i just asked her ...to end that issue....
to which she resisted ...and it ended everything for me.....

I never actually gave any attention to her...making fun of my feelings or me..in front
of her friends..with me able to hear everything .....

she did said ...." she would ignore me ..and never wanted to see me..."

" I don't feel like talking to......you"

It added to her fun ...as always , when i used to hear everything she used to embarrass me
...and she used to question my self-respect too .....
which i used to ignore ..as i didn't wanted to worsen the situation more....

But i never had ....my answer and all i had were her excuses....

I never expected ...anyone to take my side ..as i never wished too....
all i wanted was the world to be with her ....
a world that didn't included me.....


Everything got reminded ....when her words reached me....
"If i shall meet you in the future...i'll ignore you ..
I never said anything like that....you were my best friend ..with whom I could talk about any stupid stuff .

However ....we both want different things from life ....
that is the reason .....we don't talk...not because i hate you or anything .."

Hate you ....she never said that ?
lie ...she used to end every sentence with that ...
with all i got to hear ...was either she hated me...or he needed her ..

Those moments ....still hit me hard..

Maybe..she may have forgotten ...
she asked me not to talk to her ....unless she literally typed in she wanted to talk


With whom ..i could talk about any stupid stuff .....
maybe she meant ..i was a time pass ...as it been 6 months and she never called
and went offline ...when i used to be online...
Put me ...in her restricted list on facebook...

and the last ...
her ignorance ....you were my best friend...
if i was her best friend...then why such justification.....

this wont make her realize ...she did everything right ...


I curse myself....to have fallen for her...
i curse myself ..to have considered her parents as mine...
and thought about them....before taking any step of confrontation....

I knew....no one would understand my feelings....
as the one ..the feelings was for .....never cared about it...
and i don't feel like confronting her lies.....

12 October 2011 - "The Day the End Started"

today i was very happy , not because i had/ have won a prize.
because something i intended to do , that could turn my life .....

taking steps down to a place , i imagined my future with her 
with ever-lasting happiness.
but somehow some wishes never reach the full-filler or are denied .
whatever be the reason, we never get to have it.

i saw her standing already at the place. 
i could see a shine on her face . 
it seems a good day.
even luck was by my side ........
as i reached her ...i kneel-ed down taking no time further

her words interrupted mine , to which she said "I can only be your friend for life , and never expect
me to change again."

these words i hardly get to believe in with things started to change at sudden ...i never
realized this was what she gonna say.

today was her birthday , so i couldn't follow up with any confrontation nor i could cry myself.

she walked over to see her friends ....and behind her the whole world , all my feelings, wishes
etc fell from heavens like piece of waste papers.

i was all covered with these papers , with my surroundings.

for that time, i really couldn't understand the difference between dream and reality
i assumed it to be a dream , as i never expected it to happen.

i lay there with all my feelings and wishes ....which had gone wasted
i collected my body to protect my soul and heart from getting more hurt......

after some time , some of my friends grew aware of my acquaintance ......they wanted to drive
me away from that place to which i resisted because those were actually what i earned from our relationship
it really made me rich , as it provided me the wealth of sharing few moments of my life with her.

she really turned my life with her decision , but she made something out of me which i couldn't be

i really don't know what reason to give against my wish to stay there ......which changed my life.

i can't wish for anything else but to recollect and bring back either the time i lost or the relationship i lost

in which the last one was what i dearly wanted .

i never wanted her to go away like this , but she did .

i really wanted to kill myself for going out that day.....and i actually self-invited myself to the event.