My World Is Incomplete Without Her..

"Feelings ....Feelings....Feelings"......
i murmur as i go through the bits of papers i have

they all have something very important to say to me........
maybe the reason behind my destiny , maybe i deserve to be knowing the truth......
if she expects that i would get hurt.....then she should be knowing that i went through hell bad
, so it wont matter...

"all i gave her were tears in the name of love , and i expected it would bear happiness....."

all i could see was my motive to fulfill , her understanding was hardly mentioned.....
she rightly said in the end......"it was only me....not us".

maybe i took her for granted to say anything to her.....even if the words were not right
for the occasion.....i made her go through hell.......even at the times that were important
to her......

when now i reached her limits , and she calls everything off.....i blame her to have changed

i gather my strength to look back into my past , to look for the mistakes i had done.....
i closed my eyes....

i felt someone held my arm.....it was her...to my surprise....
she came to accompany me .....right when i needed it the most..........

she said .."you remember the way you used to count our in commons and ignore what we didn't
had in common ".......i thought you were mad or something.."

it hurled me when she said that , but i smiled because at-least she remembered that.....


you remember the chase you made to meet me....the day i came with my friends.....
and we were not able to meet.....she said.

i smiled as i said..."really felt bad....that i just missed seeing you by minutes....
:(.

then i took the chance to remind her of the trip she made to her natives for the first time
when i was there.........the tips and suggestions covering my fears i gave you.....
and the terrible time i spent in you absence......your replies didn't came......on time
and i really waited for that time to quickly pass......

it started to rain.....then
i moved my hand to feel the rain drops....as i moved to share with her.....
i saw her eyes shedding tears.....

its not the rain , its the tears you gave me as gift for my every will......they make u feel
so happy about it.......she said...

it was you , who used to get angry on small things , blame me......and made me cry for all
night and you slept ...easily without any concern.....
and the next day you behaved as if nothing happened.......i spent the night before crying
and forgive you the next day.....thinking that you must have realized.....

but your repeats of this......certainly....turned me against you.....

you didn't realized you rewarded me tears for whatever i did and whatever i didn't.......
but your expectations were to high for me to fulfill......
i tried to make you understand but you never gave me a chance.....

all i was left was to cry......

now, it seriously doesn't matter to me....whatever you do.....because you lost even what you had...

its all for what you did......

my eyes cries my soul out of it......all i wanted was a chance to not survive.....that
minute....she told me......all that.

BEING SIMPLE .....IS A CURSE

Something somewhere is wrong with me......
i am too used to being out with open wounds.
people tend to see it and just have an impression of my being.
Good or bad, depends on the views they try to have with
evaluating the impressions.

Its been two years, i don't find anything good in being something i used to be .

I don't wanna get hurt.....its never my intention 
BUT
its just that it finds me....taking on my weaknesses .

I don't like to complicate things .......i am just too straightforward....
i don't like to be
too much involved into anything....

i just don't know how 
every person's judgement on me hurts me.......
People have just started
to back-out......leaving behind a reason for me to think on

"dude , you are no good now"......be it anybody.
the words may just stand alone but they all mean the same..........

i am not good for company for anyone.......
i just start up with something and start to share
my story , unaware of the interest of the other person....

its just that the wounds , have started bleeding ....with the blood staining the hands
who ever tries to be with me ....

i end up hurting them all...........and i could be of help no more ....so i try to be in
shadow of being unavailable......

i have nothing to do.......i just try pass my time , being with her the only way i can less
affect her....

i cry my eyes out .....every-time i hurt her.......its just the reaction to pain her actions
impound on the wounds.......

i just try to be a simple guy, unattractive ....to any being out there...........
people have told me , they think i do it for getting noticed ......but they are mistaken
no one does this to be noticed ......i just don't feel like living good.....

its something in me ....i try to do....even at the end of so much bad , i offer some good
to make the world realize , i definitely deserve some of my own space to breathe..

i try to solve people's problems...... i don't do it to attract you , i don't do it as a favor
i do it to make the evil residing in me .....realize how bad he makes me feel about the
world , about me ......i wont turn evil at all.....i ll keep the innocent one in me alive
till the end.......

but to this is a problem....
people don't get it , they think i can be used....for their
purpose.....
they just want to solve their purpose and just leave......and return when in need again
they just try to show how much i mean to them.....wont leave me unless i fulfill their
purpose.....be it the evil way to which i resist.

surely ......life is complicated for me.....be it love or anything....

i don't want her to go......
i don't want her to be near and get hurt.
and the declining hope of change in me each day......
adding to difficulties that don't let me
breathe .......

i don't trust myself.......
i have let everything go .....
and now i fear of being alone.

ITS TOO LATE TO BE RESPONSIBLE.......