BEING SIMPLE .....IS A CURSE

Something somewhere is wrong with me......
i am too used to being out with open wounds.
people tend to see it and just have an impression of my being.
Good or bad, depends on the views they try to have with
evaluating the impressions.

Its been two years, i don't find anything good in being something i used to be .

I don't wanna get hurt.....its never my intention 
BUT
its just that it finds me....taking on my weaknesses .

I don't like to complicate things .......i am just too straightforward....
i don't like to be
too much involved into anything....

i just don't know how 
every person's judgement on me hurts me.......
People have just started
to back-out......leaving behind a reason for me to think on

"dude , you are no good now"......be it anybody.
the words may just stand alone but they all mean the same..........

i am not good for company for anyone.......
i just start up with something and start to share
my story , unaware of the interest of the other person....

its just that the wounds , have started bleeding ....with the blood staining the hands
who ever tries to be with me ....

i end up hurting them all...........and i could be of help no more ....so i try to be in
shadow of being unavailable......

i have nothing to do.......i just try pass my time , being with her the only way i can less
affect her....

i cry my eyes out .....every-time i hurt her.......its just the reaction to pain her actions
impound on the wounds.......

i just try to be a simple guy, unattractive ....to any being out there...........
people have told me , they think i do it for getting noticed ......but they are mistaken
no one does this to be noticed ......i just don't feel like living good.....

its something in me ....i try to do....even at the end of so much bad , i offer some good
to make the world realize , i definitely deserve some of my own space to breathe..

i try to solve people's problems...... i don't do it to attract you , i don't do it as a favor
i do it to make the evil residing in me .....realize how bad he makes me feel about the
world , about me ......i wont turn evil at all.....i ll keep the innocent one in me alive
till the end.......

but to this is a problem....
people don't get it , they think i can be used....for their
purpose.....
they just want to solve their purpose and just leave......and return when in need again
they just try to show how much i mean to them.....wont leave me unless i fulfill their
purpose.....be it the evil way to which i resist.

surely ......life is complicated for me.....be it love or anything....

i don't want her to go......
i don't want her to be near and get hurt.
and the declining hope of change in me each day......
adding to difficulties that don't let me
breathe .......

i don't trust myself.......
i have let everything go .....
and now i fear of being alone.

ITS TOO LATE TO BE RESPONSIBLE.......

With being "honest "..Comes "Rewards"

her words actually weakened me.....her love was never there to support

maybe her wish was not me.........

it hard to see someone you love go to someone else..but the shortcomings of being a one-sided
lover is that you have no option.....

she nearly brought me to death , everytime she used to say....you and me its never gonna happen
i just tried to keep everything to myself , fearing that it may make me loose her forever
i cant hurt her and i cant leave her.......

every night i try not to call her , thinking that she may get disturbed ...but i give up
and call ......but the call always goes on waiting ......
it didn't used to affect me when she hadn't said the forever not thing but now suddenly it hurts
a lot sometimes....its always me ...when i call ..she thinks about her studies , telling me
would u speak up ?....or i have to study.....seems avoidance

she ignores or she doesn't care ......that the other person is so much hurt that the words
don't come out of his mouth....

there were days when i used to speak a lot...used to imagine things n share with her
the moments i wished to spend with her.....but it all came with a thought i new this was
coming.......i doubted if she was being sarcastic at times........but the love wont let
that pass to the heart...making it not uneasy for me at times.....

she said "i cant be with you " because i can't hurt you both....
" i don't wanna be in a relationship", i hate this.

"i need time , i am not there it ll take me time to reach where you are......and i am not that
expressive as you are ".

surely this feel like they kept me alive or ruined my present , depending upon how she
used them

i don't know if her words came more when being with the other guy......or i did bored her
because i am trying to figure out that was i fool or random to have offered so much honesty
still have nothing......

someone trying to hurt me.....said " DOgs are also loyal and honest, and they usually find their
place either tied to the main door...or out of the house....they are breed to be used for
service...not meant to be the royal of the house."

he laughed and passed away.....

that day i felt really low.....and i called her....i was keeping things with me but it
suddenly exploded........the words which came as a reply were usual except one....

"if i wanted to be in a relationship , i could have been with him....knowing him for time
more than i know you for......."

i regret making that call.....that time i actually was shocked to hear what i heard
i kept myself calm.....n cried a lot......that day i was not me actually because i really
couldn't believe , she said that

all i could do was to sit down and make me believe she said that......and meant because she didn't
regret or realized what it could mean to me .....when she really said that......