Its not abt me...that matters...to her
Most of the times, she makes me feel all what had happened, was a lie........
or my assumptions......because she did explained the reality to me .....at many instances..
but according to her , it was me who was not taking her words seriously..

She used to behave differently at many occasions....but the words that came at those moments certainly
didnt meant what she is trying to explain to me now.......

She is trying to forcefully end this ......i don't know why.....
i don't know whether is it anything wrong in me....that forces her to leave
and that let her leave me alone.....

Its not that i never have tried being apart from her.......i had tried hard at times when we just had started knowing each other ...with me too quick in expressing my feelings..
though it hurt her too much ......but i wanted to believe in reality ...and
realization......
i always ask my self ........does she cares ?
then suddenly she would come up with something i wouldn't expect that hour.....

If i wud let her be alone.....for some time.......i usually got to hear that .....
its you who gets to decide everything.....you don't feel anything about me, being in so much pain
without  you.....i cried my eyes out......for the time u been apart....

I should have gone away long before , the time it had just started.....she didnt let me go
and made me stay......

now i dnt want to go......but she wants some space of her own.....but still dnt want me to go
but her expressions tells that she wants me to leave.....


Her reactions to my decisions ......made that evil in me .....die
to be a loving one.....just to hear , u have done nothing for me.......

I could have lived like my life like i used to, by being rude , being bad.....being the obvious no to anything good
and
would keep habits no one would keep.....

But her actions -reactions did made me realize it hurt-ed her ,
I did it for her....because it ..affected her.......

It didn't affected me...my surroundings didn't changed to be favorable
to me........
Instead i changed to be favorable.......so that it doesn't become so awkward
for her to be with me......

Now i hear ......you have done nothing for me.....

She says your messages are , just what i have.......
if i had been sending it to every girl i know...then she did stand justified....
in accusing me of playing with her feelings.....cheating on her .....
 but those were especially for her.......

I wrote for her........but it all seems to her to be some fools imagination.

I never realized .....my love for creativity .....could turn the enemy of my real love....

at last ....it was still something left to know.......
she said she feared me....she kept secrets from  me..
because she feared me....that i would react in an abnormal way...
but she wont to get to know...her decision of keeping everything to herself and not
sharing....is what kills me everyday....... that's responsible for what i am today.....

she definetly not fears me......but she fears the obvious in me.....who believes she
shares everything with me......

It get hurts when he gets to know ....she does keep secrets
that are not at all personal ....i am directly or indirectly involved with her secrets.....

I never asked her about her family or anything.....
because i believe its her wish to share or
tell me about it.....anything she wants me to know......

I know just  what she had told me
about her family.......
I never complained......

But the wish to share nothing about herself too......that kills...


At last she says ......she needs some time alone.....

and my body jerked......as my soul tried to just tear my flesh out to be free........
and felt hated to be alive now ........