Featured Post

The Note......

"Shona hey I am glad that you are fine..was wondering the options to reach you.. but when i did find one...you were busy dreaming ....

12/30/2012

The Curse - The End Part III



( in the back of mind.. i realized my fear ...it wasn't about getting ended by the aura......but was the fear of a reason that maybe true...
she hasn't spoken up the reason to end everything on her own ...but she gave signs....with all pointing in one direction...she may have taken my curse as a joke ....but she didn't took the situation of my parents as a reason to laugh....she did got scared of their condition...and turned mean as she couldn't find anything valuable in my life....with me under so much pain....just expecting from her...till the situations changed. She left with them as a reason... but she could never tell it on my face to be called mean...so gave me no reason at all.....
I understand that she wants her someone to be a well-to-do person from a well-to-do family but it doesn't gives her a license to play with others feelings like that .

I still love that person who hates to be with me just because of my parents condition.

I just can't hurt both of them....so leaving on them to take the decision....

but when it comes to taking a decision i turn weak and want to end my life other than making a choice....

)

i keep on repeating the words " I am not lying about anything " as i loose control over myself ....
but the aura is still firm on its words.....

just end me ....if you feel so....i shouted........

the aura in the reply.....

Yes people like you should be ended as they still can't take a stand and leave a person who has left them for a reason being its own parents.....
not because they are against it or anything but they are in state to be taken cared off ...and being with that person means to be accepting them too in that state....that is hard to be making that decision....

(
i was taken aback by this ...

the day i said i am going to end my world ...

the day she never asked me anything , just said those words " live for them , as they have no-one else...."

she never asked "how they were , not even once when she called....but just kept on reminding to not take a wrong step stopped me by taking their names...and said " you have to take care of them "....if you did anything wrong i'll be blamed for life....

My mutual friend said " Move-on....." but she didn't told me the way.....
the way i may not find people like her ....in the path i move forward on......
who are ready to take advantage of you but never be true to you....

Even she was interested in saving her friend ...not interested in knowing the well being or any reason...
I wished that i could change them....make them realize but they never did.....

Failing to bring a change ....i am on my wish to end myself....

never came a message from both of them....how were they ?
a message came to enquire if i was alive or not ....

)

Now i am giving up on those messages even......realized those were just out of fear and never meant that they worried or something...

I always said i lost my pillars to support me....when they got into this state...i never asked for her love ...it was her wish
but never had that support...too...which maybe i deserved......
I still crave for that support but i lost faith in believing in someone else....as no-one could be trusted that much...
the ones who could was not in a state to support.....

I didn't wanted to be burden on someone.....and never wanted to increase someone's responsibility.....
loved whosoever tried helping in something....but never asked for sympathies....felt more worst than death.

Never tried having a habit of getting helped ...as i respected everyone's time and life....

wanted people to be a part of my life....but was scared of them to start sympathizing with me...

I respected the understanding of my situation ...respect of my individuality and help in case i was weak.......
which i never had.......

I tried being normal but no-one let me be......it

I never wanted to be mis-understood.....but everyone had their way of mending my words...
( their way of making me be aware of their choices , which i accepted )

the aura ...
said ...its time....now

its time for you to get over.........

he got me up ......i sensed my end was near...........

i had so much to remember and i closed my eyes ...as he placed his hand on my heart .......

I closed my eyes ....and all i saw was her face.....her smile......

i was about to say anything else ...but only one thing came out 

"be happy and safe wherever you are ...
and 
                                        I'll always love you but won't be
                                                 there to be with you"

and with that the aura ....just in a flash separated that heart from my body.......


Some moments ..later...i see him( the one who has always tried to save me) again there....


He has so much to tell me ,

So much to ask but 

He said " I am glad that you are alive , but maybe i can understand your position 
but its life it never gives you chances ...
You did it ...you survived...i know but still you survived.


but i was not glad about surviving it .....not after realizing everything i did.....
i wished i shouldn't have survived.




Total Pageviews