my heart aches everytime i try to be with her
my heart aches when my phone rings ..and its not her ...who called
my heart aches when i dont see her online....
my heart aches when i think of the night ....the time her phone wud be busy.
she asked me for a week of seperation.....its been two days....
something drives me wrong abt everything....
i cant breathe...my breath gets heavier ....till the silence stays
what will be her decision ?
she says ....she doesnt love me....
so sure...that nothing can revert it......
was i a fool....to have believed in something.....that was never expected
than i cant be the the one who deserves to live.....
she says ...she is heartless.....
it hurts when someone neglets u off something.....u wish to be
but can never be.....
i believed she loved me.....
i loved her very much.........
my mornings used to start with her cute voice.....
everything just perfect.....
i used to wake her up....but my usual tone ....(rude )
used to take the love out of the moment...just to be the fact
that someone used to be around me .....when i called
and something used to bother them
what made me call someone....like that in the mrng....
i cud see the expressions change to queries ......in my surroundings.....
i dnt knw what gave birth to stories ......in my mind..to satisfy the queries with ease
i felt like...it was just her ...for which my feelings waited.
she was meant to be ....for me .....
and i was meant ....for her.....
i felt the love budded in those days ....to flower our relationship in future
it remained...our way till the things started to change....
the bad me appears to be with me .....this while
he seemed bothered .....
bothered abt the future....he didnt wanted to be in this world too
coz he did got weaked too.....
therez was no survival of remains of someone in this world......
he asked a question ?
wud u like to be in the next year ?
something in me ....feared the while to answer to this.....
a year...without her...just with the memories....seeing someone call her dear.....
and she replying ...to it
ignoring my replies to her....
just cant ....i surrender my soul to the decison of her...
i cant be the gossip to be laughed about in future....
i cant be the part of someones else life....
i dnt have the strength to bear a tomorrow without her
just let it end.....
i replied.....with my breath heavier with the load of emotions
who wanted to burst out....
u knw , what wud be her answer ?
he replied....
coz she has already expressed her choice to leave ...and not talk to u
u torcher her.....and not bother her.........
.......he added...
i believe in my love ...i bet my life on it....
be it whatsoever....be it whatever i deserve......
i said...
even when she just asked u to .....go away
u knw what she did to u that day
u called her up ....so many times
she didnt picked .....then when u called
it got busy.....and then when u tried
the phone got out of reach....
and after an hour....again not picked...when it turned on..
she gave u the reason ..her phone was having problem....
but she never mentioned it before....nor it happened before....
dnt get too much blind in love......
.....he fiercely added .....
it was 23rd-24th december ...u noticed....
the days that all that happened.
he looked to me with shock...it was the day...my first love left me
it was this day after 3 years .....that she left me...
i cant blame her...i blame the day
whatever happened ...whoever did this..
i dnt knw.......
all i knw is .....every remains of my dreams ....makes me cry
more and more.....
i just cant believe it happened ..as i expected a brighter tomorrow....
i just wanna live no-more
strive with every moment in hand....fighting with fate....
living the hell each day...
being problems for people's respect .....they wanna maintain...
its hell of the reasons...and they are enough to make me curse myself..
its true now....
what happens ...happens because of me.....
out of all the negative ....a positive drives too....
a piece of paper.....just attach to my life...
it has a wish .....the dream i told her everyday...
it made her smile ....someday ......and when it was obvious ....it got boring for her
i wished to be by ur side....with the day's first light.....
just seeing u in front of my eyes...
breathing , sleeping...dreaming since night...
u seemed so cute to me...i didnt wanted to catch ur dream
i waited for u to notice.....notice my presence there as a being..
i wanted to hold ur hand...while u were sleep...just because u never allowed me
when i was with u......
i felt like u did recognize my presence.....and held my hand in urz..
to never let me go...
ur expressions did changed to a smile this while.....while u still slept for a while....
something did used to happen this while.....either ur brother wud wake up
or ur mother wud come
making me a swift exit out of the window.....in the presence of the morning sun....
it was something....i dreamed off and shared...
it meant everything to me...and nothing like u didnt cared....
something.....just made me numb for the while....till i realized the importance of that
dream to my life....
but nothing cud be done now.....
if i wont be in this world....what wud the dream mean to me now......
i crushed ...kissed ....and let it fly .....
let be flown away by the wind.....that blew....
my heart ached .....as i watched it fly
maybe i cud ...i keep it to myself...if i wanted to be alive....
i wish for nothing to change my mind..
but i do wish for her happy life ahead.
may she gets someone more loving than me...
and she never misses me....in my absence to this world......
so is it the end ?..he asked
maybe yes....i replied...
y ?...was that hault in determination ?
i m just at hault ...to see something...before i end....
something i desire.....
waiting for someone....to come ...and fill the space
i m gonna leave empty behind....
i wish for it to happen at the earliest....atleast before i give up
on waiting for it anymore....
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