The Curse Triggers Again....

I tried saving everyone from the anonymous danger ME....i seem to be bringing upon
too many calamities on my loved ones..
It makes me crush myself more and more....what if that happens ....
what if my curse ...is known to all...will i be able to survive walking through
those glazing eyes.....
I feel helpless....as i am busy 
facing the problems

Either i save them .....or i save myself...from this thing that detaches me
from the world....

I feel ..like i am cheating by letting them be unaware of all this
and i fear that they'll go away ...as everyone wants to be safe ....

I need help as i quail....and i look for the reasons ...going into that past of mine
that even fell a victim to a helpless love life...

The people i look upon for help...ignore...coz i never know..where this all end...
and how they can help...and i dnt know...how to tackle it on my own.....

I try to be defensive ...and let everyone go...
it never hurted me ...until i met her...the things i knw about myself ...never let me
move ahead with her...the reasons for which i fell in love with her...never wanted my life
to be that way.....

I was sure ...the curse was gone....as i look upon those footprints ...she left in my life
describing the presence of her in my life....and the way i try and preserve it...
maybe show how important she was to me in my life....

But i never had a reason...to stop her and a million to let her go...

I felt the curse was over...one of the important person in my life ...had left me in
tears ....
I dnt care as what it does to me....but i never wanted her to get hurt.....
Suffer without a reason...

Being with her ...it made me think ....i was an unnecessary problem to her
that she repented to have made a part of her life...

that day..when she just said it....just let it go...I am fine with leaving you
It hurted me..as even if i knew it was the best option for her to stay away from being
hurt...i ignored it ..as i never wanted her to leave....

But she did...

And
I am back again at finding reasons for my curse....
It triggered...and it hurted my mother...she was again in tears and i had myself to blame

I was asked to mail something to someone from his family...
I was unable to question her trust in me...that i wud not cause any unauspiciousness
to her belief...

I had grown normal...with nothing had happened over some days ..around me
I thought the curse got restricted to me...but i was unaware of the future...

The auspicious day...celebrations were all around....and i still cudn't breathe right
i stand for an urge to hurt myself again...i really cudnt bear my existence..but
was failing to show up...

Suddenly my phone rang..i never picked up the phone....when i was so much hassled..
and the news that broke everyone...but it affected my mother the most.....
it was her brother ...who had met with an accident...and i had every right to hurt myself
myself...as every possibility pointed to me...
to have all that possible ...and i never knew ..i cud put someone's life in danger
all because of my curse.....the unluckiness i cause....