A Dream I Had....

The day i collapsed .....
with everything meant important to me......hitting me hard.....

I felt at-least she would be there to support me......
But it didn't happened , Maybe for her good 
or
Maybe I was wishing for too much..!!!

Never had been an incident in occurrence that may have made her trust me  and my honesty......
Everything bad happening around me, had me into believing ....
that there was no tomorrow.....

Even if there was one
it was not worth living for......not with the present circumstances.

Everyone and Everything just agitated the fact.....i was unlucky......
they had a reason to prove.......

Everyone had something or somewhat to their name......
success
Some had people supporting them through their bad times ...
and fight with the dark time
to subside and subside , till it disappeared.......

i on the other hand ....had nothing.....just my hopes which remain as a pain with me ,
 if i compare
with people having love as the part of their life......

If someone asks me what have i done in my life......i won't have anything to say....
nothing to believe, it did happened, not for the good , but it did just because
it had too.

people ask why do you live in the world you dream off......
I have just an answer to give...... 

My reality is too dreadful to be in......
they all hate being with me because i am unlucky.
it makes everyone after they realize in real......
keep distance from me......

being among people ...... with pity eyes....just show they are ready to help
but never turn up when needed.....always ready to use you for their good......
when done......
leave you saying its all for your good , i have to go....their is no other
way.......

apart from others in this world......she acts a bit strange.......

she cares about me but does not love me......

she don't want me to go but is ready to leave at once on my call.....


i was very upset regarding my studies......what all i assumed .....perished in the reality
unseen , unknown to me........the world i never wished i was a part of......

i wanted to be with someone who could understand me......but i had no-one else other than her......

it really made me feel weak....when i realized ......
that the world didn't wanted me to stay.......
because whatever i tried or to the extent i tried was not acceptable to anyone.......

its the effect of every possible attachment of me to this world is giving up on me.....
starting or ending with her.......

i nearly had her lost to pain.....but she was unchanged ........
the world was unchanged .........unreasonable to me.......

she cried , i was unchanged on my decision to end me.......
i tried with only a cut not severe bleed......really had a bad luck i survived.......
what all she said on my giving her the news of my survival....really blew me out....
i wanted to die again....but my efforts died out with the strength.......

the night full , i was awake ......facing every bit of reality of mine.....

i slept in the morning....when it was about to sunshine,
i had a dream.....a dream too magical......to soothing to heal up my wounds.....
what it signified , i don't know.....
why ? the reason i wont be able to justify.....
but it happened.....

i had a dream.....
i was alone somewhere......
i don't know how i ended up there....and to my surprise
she was sitting beside me........

she kept a hand around me and asked........what happened ?
i said nothing
she said " then why are you acting so weird ?"

i said " i have nothing left with me.....but the world still greed from me"
 they want everything .....and they wont stop until they get the flesh this body
has......i don't know what wrong have i done to them.....to you.....
because the day you told me .....
it can never happen again.....it gave me a shock
and the day i had something positive to stop by me.....it worsened....

i felt i was no good ....even if i lived or died....it made no difference to the world
and now to u too.

"ohh i see then " that's what's causing you the problems.......she said

my eyes cried out expressing all that to her.......

she told me.....its all what fears me too....these days you are too unpredictable....
i cant be sure of the day ....you would just pass away or walk away....

now you make me fear and hurt myself.....all what you have made me suffer .....just for
the sake of that care i have for u...it all got accumulated in the form of anger for you
you just need to make efforts to make me trust you .....make me forget that....be patient
and be the one i loved....because you have changed.....and i have tried and failed to
recover that person in you.......

one day , the things may change.....but all what you did or had done.....
has just decreased
your chances more and more.....
but i ll still be with you......

i was hearing the same thing..i heard everyday....
so i stood up and start walking..
she came nearby me....took my hand and walked by my side.......


till now i don't know ......what happened...i cant say anything.......
but it may seem just another thought of my mind , and it may take me a long time
to make her believe it did happened......