"My feelings want me dead "

A Lot i tried to make her feel ....the feelings , 

the love i have for her.....

but it all ends with a weakened me.......

its the end of all the possibilities of getting her back......

now when its nothing else 

but to accept this fact.....

everything around me is changing.....

every-time i look around....every chapter i turn to, 

any damn part of my life.......all i can see is a complete failure

the only part ....that was left ..she filled in with her way of saying so.......

now when answers are so damn obvious.......the blame game has started...

oops its hard to see that their is no one around me to blame......

its all me ......no i thinks i am right .....

everyone left me with time.....even the ones

for whom i could give away my life too....

whats the worth of the life of a complete person ?

maybe everything .....

from happiness , 

to success , 

to family , 

to happy ever after life.

now

what abt the life of a complete looser ?

maybe.......

misery , 

dreadfulness , 

not having anything.....but giving away all whats left, 

no respect , 

no happy ever-after....

especially no love at all.

So is it good to carry on with a life of a looser ?

nope.......

never.....

it should be ended as soon as possible....

its so hard to accept 

but i belong to be ended category.......really i am a trouble for many

people out there......they want me dead......

even my feelings , my heart ; 

they all our up against me......

they all blame me....the way i am for her non-acceptance......

feelings want to be free again.....

but i cant let them ......they ll hurt me or her

and both the situations will end in weakening me more and more.....i cant tell her

so i have to keep it all inside......

like a vault thats sealed.....

they fight me .....they want me dead .....so that they can be free.....

even i dnt have the strength to fight them....and one day they ll just win over me....

if now , i ll have it in my way....if waited till that day....it ll happen the more dreadful

way.......

the world wont accept .....i am not the one who can adjust....

neither she ll accept me ....so no there is no reason staying here....

let those possibilities breed more.....

and be the weapon of my destruction one day.....

she wont get to know ever , how much she means to me, 

how much i love her......

and no one would be there after me , 

to remind her ....i was a part of her life.....

not the ones to be glad about ....but i was.....

she wont have anyone troubling her, 

she wont have to explain or teach anyone ......

it ll all be the normal life......she ll be glad to live

if anyhow.....she remembers me....there wont be less hands to wipe her tears...

but merely there could be any hand 

to make me fulfill my last journey.