she really doesnt want me to be with her......but y m i not able to give up....
y m i so much attached to her......even if it hurts....

being good for some time doesnt changes my whole existence for the day n days to come.
i m just on my own.....n it hurts when i say that .....and a lot more when i try to
believe it........

now , nothing but the blame game has started....every cut has filled up but it still pains
....all i am left with qustions of people surrounding me.....they see it n ask questions
but finding me lost in the world of myself.....they give up......

i really never wanted to be this....but i never came to know how i caring so much abt her,
being so much attached to her.....that i cud feel every breath she had...every joy she enjoyed,
every wish she had.....but i cudnt feel what her feelings were.....i used to feel that
residing in some-ones heart may have some restrictions ....that u can never know of the world
u r in.......

as the day passes by .......the hopes are giving up on her ......n so my wishes to be alive.
now may be its high time to be the part of reality she  want me to realize in......
which i always resisted coz i knew it wud end me.......the reason i never wanted to realize.

i knw in order to not hurt u in any way.....i feared showing up my feelings too much .
i knew i was unlucky.....everytime i tried to do good to myself....i end up hurting people with
me......so i feared i may loose u......i even feared u may leave me when i wud make u realize
this important point of my life....
i never wished my fears to turn true.....i never wanted them to be true
but they did in a way....destroying my every presence in her life and my wish to stay.

i shud have never tried to be the part of reality....or shud i have never revolted or resisted
to anything.....

i never realized she never had time for me........all she wanted to be with either alone
or with him.....
not with me..........even if i go away she says it wont matter to her much......its just
me who wants to stay....
it really hurts when she speaks that way......

if i cud in person , tell that guy....congrats !!!!!!....i m over , relax ....take a sigh
i wish i cud......

now even the every bit of hope dying every second.......its too difficult to carry on in
life....how strong cud i be to survive this......
how hard anyone tries.....i ll perish one day......
i m eagerly waiting for that day.....

today every bit of word , anyone said to me before leaving me......haunts my mind.
i am just made to realize that its all true by her......
even if she denies she is not with him...but how can she deny her attachment to him....
which doesnt let her do anything involved with me.....

how hard she denies , its their in her mind.....coz whenever i talked of love....she used
to quickly change the topics......but when the topic is abt him....i get to hear a lot.

she wasnt surprised when i told her she cud get married with him...all she was worried abt
that whether it wud go with ease or not........
she never realized how hard it wud have been on me....when i had that dream..
after that day.....i feared sleeping at night ...coz it was an early morning dream....
i just try to pass that time.....
coz the dreams like these wud just make me cry....