some words ....are so magical that u cant just forget them....

hey..her sweet voice...which i loved hearing passed me through the phone

hi....

it was someone's birthday.....maybe her cousin...who was committed
maybe y mentioned ......(most of the people around her were committed....that didnt
included me....)......

our conversation gone on for hours ....just the signal problem seperated us for while.

she gave me the full discription...of the plan ....how it was meant to work
who all were involved ......and how succesfull it had proved till then.....

hearing all this , makes someone feel ....like he is present there.......

everything so perfect .....that she even mentioned the scenery ...the beauty of which
she was admiring......

sshhhh.....these moments are my life....dont think anything...
just be in them...

the way she told me ......i lost myself to her ....for each letter....how special
everything was....n how she meant to make someone's day so special....

i never experienced ..someone do something like that for me.....
i just let these emotions die.....thinking ....what if anything bad happen to him
trying to make my day special.......nor anyone tried.......

i kept myself.....away from feeling a miser around those thoughts ....that i believe
were never meant for me.....

getting back to the day....i expressed my wish in front of her....
that i desired a similar stuff for my bday.......

when she asked ....y ?......dont ur friends do anything for u.....
on ur bday....
i had no words to explain.....there were days or months since i talked to them

since the day i realized the truth abt me ....i cud be a curse in someone's life...

when ppl come to me .....feeling pity on me....that i suffer...
it frustrates me more......

i dnt wanna be someone's tears .....i dnt wanna call upon bad on someone....

if i share my life....just to make that person be aware of ....what kind of mindset
i have developed to survive in the conditions.....just try and not hurt me more...
if u cant ....adjust....dont try to involve urself.....

but its hard for them to understand ..they just want to take advantage of me being
vulnerable......
when i resist ...they just go away..

what shud i do ?.....to make them stay..shud i let them exploit ?
or let them go ?......and be alone for life......

surviving is not great ...when it can be something good and u chose to be worse

leave it......no one understands this ......

just when i think abt her.....everything stops ...i become so vurnerable to accept
anything if it promises ....to change the verse and make me be with her for life.....

the mistake ....i just dont feel bad abt .....
the mistake that made me some moments of my life ......

the mistake of not wishing her on her bday.....

i called her .....before midnight ....the day leading to the bday (main day)......
we talked for abt an hour....everything great....i talked abt everything but not her
bday....
she felt bad.....and i got to hear from her abt it till next year...
yeah atleast till my bday....to be exact

somehow ...someday .....the topic just went on from something to y i not used to
celebrate my bday.....

i wanted to tell her .....but somehow i stopped myself from telling her ....i was
unlucky...
but i said ... i felt like a grown up and didnt believed in these things .....
and i didnt liked when someone bothered to plan for the celebrations

somehow .....she spoke the words i wanted to hear....
now when we are there .....we ll make sure to prepare everything for u......
maybe i shud have froze that moment ....and never let it change....

she said and meant it , that was enough for me........

this was maybe the last time ....we both had so much to say to each other....
but the day ended ...

and dont remember ....what the next day started with and i cant think of what
showed it the day ....the day .....that shows us to be apart from each other.....