while a quest to fight to destiny
i met u , i thought my feelings took a form

i strive ....yes , the man with the words , i can give all my life for her......
strives to keep himself alive.....

no one cares.....no-one shows up any concern.....
i cant tell her....she wont believe....i cant be that in-human
to tell her that just for sympathy.....knowing i had made her life hell....

what are u doing ?......my conciousness awakens me..
this is seriously not the way to love......dont bound her to urself.....
it wud hurt u more than....anything....and u ll have grudge of destroying her with u.

whats keeping u from letting her go.....

suddenly i walk back....back into the past....
to look and seriously tell everything i have....
even if knowing that...it cud just end the roads for me in the future....

i cud see her....looking into my eyes for reasons , y m i like this ?
so arrogant , so cunning at times
so loving and spell-bounding the other......

i told her the truth of my life......that i was unlucky...
barely had anything going my life....when i tried to be with her..or be in her life...
i had a fear....i may not intentionally or un-intentionally .....gift her this curse of
mine...the fumbling of my words , the credits of my doings ......everything
changes when i get attached to it ......

i looked with suspicion for clues , if her life changed with my presence....
i felt nothing .

i never let anyone be so close to my heart ..... she did came...

it goes back to the month of june , year 2011 ....
my bday passed .....
i hadnt celebrated for years , so it didnt mattered at all.....
i curse the day ...i brought upon the ones i wannabe, the ones i love
just due to my existence and acceptance in their life....
some just ignored .....coz i knowingly.....never let anyone be so close to me
i didnt wanted anyone to be wandering abt cluelessly ...afraid of thinking what made
something bad happen to them.....

even if i try to love someone....therez always a third person before my story starts...
i curse those lines running down ....i want to burn them to carve new ...

i hate my life ....i hate myself.....
when she says ....she wants to go.....
its a mixed expression for me......
i happy she made the right decision for her.....coz therez was dark or no future with me
but the thing that makes me hurt ..are my feelings ....that dont wanna let her go
the principles....that dont wanna let anything happen to her ...just for my greeed
doesnt let me hold her up....

this fight in me....goes on each day....trying to find a solution...
trying to be with her..without effecting her....but it hurts when she goes away

maybe i think so much abt it ....that i fear..expressing my feelings to her in a way
everyone should.....

i wont be able to ....forgive myself ...if i ruined her life......
n even i cant let her go...
these fights everyday are so frustrating ...that the person who she did explained to me
was not so important..., that calls her each night ....adds onto my frustration

maybe my feelings ...travel and reach her....maybe she can understand what i m going
through.......
maybe she forgives , if i be rude to her....she understands i dnt want anyone to trouble
her ....if she leaves .....bcoz i cant be selfish make her committ ...suicide on her
own.....knowing everything....

y is that ....in the world....success is everything....y if u r so popular
charming ..that helps in wining over heart...y is always ...money matters at
every prospect of life.....y no one bothers abt a loving heart....
and bothers abt money-minded future....
knowing the road ....has no end...and thirst never decreases....

if u say these things in front of a person ....he wud just think of me as a looser...
who just ponders over his weakness ..in the best prospect he can....

be it...
the thing only matters to me ....are feelings....

i love her.....could i be so greedy ....to let the curse be upon her.......
or cud i be so mean ..to let her not experience the love i have for her.....

i knw .....no one can love her the way i do....
she is so special for me....just the way she is.....
i never fell in love with her appearance ......but the heart of gold she has...

i hate myself..for the complications i had in gift since birth...
i had no one beside me..other than my family.....maybe bcoz its the relationship
that we share bounds them to be.....

i m not greedy...definetly not.....
i tell myself ....these words everyday....to be reminded of what i need to do...

i hurt myself....to knw if the curse lessen on me....but it seems to me that it grows
she goes away ...more and more......

what cud it be....what can i do ?
i have no idea.....

i just see a road .....that leads to my end.......