Anxious Me - I

I feel so blank...at finding my answers ...
to the questions you left unanswered ....and you dont
bother at all....

I am frustrated with my inabilities to let it go
as i am unable to kill all my feelings for her ...
and unable to bear her total ignorance.....

What do i really want ?
i never have an answer to this question by her ....
as i never wanna hurt her and neither i want my feelings
to get ignored...

I don't know what matters to her....she changed in all..
and maybe she changed for all good...
its only me...totally fighting for a change..

A change that'll make everything normal.....

She seems happy ...as i started to keep distances from
her..her wish...she asked for it...
no matter what it costs me..and i am paying for that
till today ....

I have a divergence in my life...
a life full of past relevances ...unpredictables leads
me ..at one way
and a life to be with her ..and my feelings leads me at
other..

I wont have anything more or less , if i choose the first
one , what we call a practical life...a secure life..
where everything excepts love awaits you....to make
your a living dream and a hell at the same time..

On the other hand ..awaits a girl..who has differences
in nature,life , etc ...when compared with my own..
She promises to come along ...but she isn't good
at keeping promises ....
what if she leaves me ..in the middle of the path ...
and walk away...saying you ll find someone else to walk
along....
What if ...she maybe using me to reach the end of that
unpredictable path..and would ditch ..after securing her
needs...
What if the curse follows me..to that road , unknown
..where i cant even rely on her..its never a guarantee
that she would not change....

In both paths..its sure i wont be surviving for long
as i am not meant to be a part of anyone's life..even
my forever lasts a few years ....
as i have lived more than half of my forever...

I wish..my life was a little simpler..that could
be overcome the difficulties put into by destiny..