"THE REASONS OF EXISTENCE NEVER MATCH THE REALITY"

Its not that obvious to be in reality sometime....
sometime you just don't want to live in the

boundaries of reality that restrict u to feel something
that's kind of being understood,

that's the time...
the mind clashes with the open heart in love......
the blind trust moves in....to complicate things a bit more..

the feelings fly high..as if given a chance to achieve the height of the utmost happiness..
being independent to move without boundaries.......
and you try to

imagine every single possibility that comes in your mind at that time.....
as you wish for everything good to turn true for you...

i still don't know what is reality ...what is a dream......
and i am unaware of their differences.....
i am confused..

what to believe in ....what not to....everything seems false
everything alive seems a lie.....
people come and ask me for favors

some hurt me.......some are just unaware......

i dnt knw what to give away to please them , as i just wish that they stay with me
.....and what to preserve ..as i dont know is it safe keeping people near me...
as i am aware of the possible calamities...
...totally not in a state to do that..
as i cant just let things go away.....and i am afraid to keep them near..

every thought drives me to that party....

the way she sat next to him.......the way she sat in front of me......

i always told her...one thing ....i want u to be beside me.....whatever it takes and never

wanted u to be in front.....

its always believed that when a person tries to be with u...and next to u ......that person

is making u feel the world in her way
shown with that persons eyes......u can see whats the world

contains thats important to her......the person shows she trusts you so much...that your presence

makes her feel more comfortable than being with anyone else present......

that's why its always called to be by ur side ....its love

that happened .....not for me but for him......

i realized the fact and it made me feel more uncomfortable........

she came and sit just in front of me.......first showing lack of trust in me......i lowered my head to not see her that way.....the way it may hurt the most........being on the other side....

she tried to grab my attention....my eyes didnt let that happen because they wanted to cry without getting noticed......

when a person tries to be in front of you......it tries to meet u like a person who doesnt

trust you.....so don't wanna share anything......its like that person owes u something but

cant let you be in their life....doesnt think about you when you are not in front.......

when being just you and her......it means that we are accumulating the world , we both be the

boundaries to the world we create with your world.....let no one enter it except the one we allow......
its all our feelings growing in...making all the moments special....

i felt .....like everything ended......the place no more needed me....but i couldn't escape

i just couldn't feel to be a part of it..........

i messaged my friend to en-quire about the synopsis i had to submit the next day......i wanted to talk to him of the reality....
i really needed someone to talk.....
but i couldn't talk to anyone present there.....nor i could type all that to  message my friend.....knowing that

one of her friend being next to me.....may view it....

actually after that day , i got to know .......no one knew me...for them i was just a friend

of the girl i knew the most among her friend circle my high-school classmate.....

that hurt the most.......

when came the time to click the pics.....she choosed to be in between her friends , then

being with me in the corner.....after everything found me so prone to hurt....this one

unknowingly....did show up for the cause......

it gave me a reason to think and realize.....her first priority was him.....

second was her friends.....third or no-where was me......

i doubt i ever made it to the list of important people in her life......

her actions spoke much different from what she always said or tried to make me feel...

it just made me feel i was never part of it........

i tried to talk to the friend of mine...by taking her away from him, her and her some friends

but she(friend) seemed herself upset ....she(shona) came behind thinking what, i dont know...may be to make

her aware of telling me nothing........or my imaginations died that time to have not able

to figured out.....

so i just forgot about my problems and asked my friend, her problems..... i knew she wont

tell me anything.....but i could get to know she felt helpless...i didnt forced her and left.

that day....the world really shrank to a definite zero for me.........

feeling like all my problems started from zero and all my life ended on zero.......