Her Lies...

I remember , she once said
" think before you speak , as the words may hurt others ..and they may never be able to
forget that "....

Maybe it was only applicable for me...as i was expected to come out with words out of
total frustration ....

All i saw ...myself being made fun off ..by her and her friends ..

and two persons ..telling everyone ...that they love her ...and she also loves them

When anyone used to ask me....all i had to say was...I am a no-one ..to decide..
all i have is my feelings ....let her decide what is best for her ..and i wish for being
that one .....

Few months back ....all she used to say
that he was only her friend ....
and
it all started ..when the call at night by him...started to pinch a bit ...
the only thing was ....if he was just a friend ...then calling at night , everyday
seems a bit unusual ....
and her drastically changing reviews ...on him ....

from being just a friend to he needs me....
i have known him for more than i know you.......

and ending on her wish to get married to him....she did phrased it in a way it seemed that i forced
that on her.....

The scene at her birthday party ...with everyone ....assuming them a couple ....
and an facebook incident ...a status update changed to a...in all ...description of a hidden
love story ...
and she happily accepting everything with ease......

My fault is that I questioned to much ...in the quest to know..the reality

I just asked her ....about what all this meant ?
but she always used to ...go round and round about the topic .....
never clearing things ....

a friend of mine....added onto my problems ...as he too tried expressing too much...
and when i got to know....through his spread rumors.....it was all an end ..
and i just asked her ...to end that issue....
to which she resisted ...and it ended everything for me.....

I never actually gave any attention to her...making fun of my feelings or me..in front
of her friends..with me able to hear everything .....

she did said ...." she would ignore me ..and never wanted to see me..."

" I don't feel like talking to......you"

It added to her fun ...as always , when i used to hear everything she used to embarrass me
...and she used to question my self-respect too .....
which i used to ignore ..as i didn't wanted to worsen the situation more....

But i never had ....my answer and all i had were her excuses....

I never expected ...anyone to take my side ..as i never wished too....
all i wanted was the world to be with her ....
a world that didn't included me.....


Everything got reminded ....when her words reached me....
"If i shall meet you in the future...i'll ignore you ..
I never said anything like that....you were my best friend ..with whom I could talk about any stupid stuff .

However ....we both want different things from life ....
that is the reason .....we don't talk...not because i hate you or anything .."

Hate you ....she never said that ?
lie ...she used to end every sentence with that ...
with all i got to hear ...was either she hated me...or he needed her ..

Those moments ....still hit me hard..

Maybe..she may have forgotten ...
she asked me not to talk to her ....unless she literally typed in she wanted to talk


With whom ..i could talk about any stupid stuff .....
maybe she meant ..i was a time pass ...as it been 6 months and she never called
and went offline ...when i used to be online...
Put me ...in her restricted list on facebook...

and the last ...
her ignorance ....you were my best friend...
if i was her best friend...then why such justification.....

this wont make her realize ...she did everything right ...


I curse myself....to have fallen for her...
i curse myself ..to have considered her parents as mine...
and thought about them....before taking any step of confrontation....

I knew....no one would understand my feelings....
as the one ..the feelings was for .....never cared about it...
and i don't feel like confronting her lies.....

"The Other Side Of Me."

the world stands apart....
from me......

they all left me on my own.....

Sitting on the roadside of a tunnel....with a minimum light ....is me .....
the dark side ......which hates being in light...hates to meet people....hates to do good,
hates to think about love.......
i stand beside him....as he laughs.....on me....
did the change happened ?....
Nope 
 .....how ashamed i am .....he said....

didn't the good deeds worked ?........
pity on you guy......
every time u try to do good.....
challenging  me... for the every cause i desire
....you waste the energy the body has...
the energy i share....because i am in this body too......

what makes u believe anyone would love you ?......
why ? 
for what ?
what can u do for them ?.....
your words are not magical ..
they are too deceiving to be true..
even if they are not......
they are just good to hear....not feasible in practicality

what the hell made you try to kill yourself ?......
he hit me to the ground.......
don't ever think of ......ending my existence....otherwise u wont be that wise again.....

y don't u just leave me on my own ?.....i asked
because i never had choice....and you never had anything good by you .....your body was the perfect place
i had......

actually , i know why are you after love .......its nothing to do with feelings .....its just that
you wanna get rid of me.......right ?.....

you wish , that happens ......because i won't let that happen......

because i m the one ......who haunts her mind......i m the if in her every sentence.....
i m the fear she has for you.......

because wherever you reside.....
i am always with you......just to make things more difficult for you 


i am the very much part of you......why you forget that..........

i have so much control over you....and i am so powerful that no one gets to see your kindness,
its all me........

all you get to hear....is "you are different when present in person and different when on phone"

come on ....don't waste time......let me drive it the way it was before.......
she wont comeback....and i promise....i wont let her comeback even if she does.....

i cant let the body to weaken up for a stupid thing called love.......

i tried to hit him on to that face of his.....but he swiftly turned and hit me hard ...
that got me down lying on the surface......

you are weak.....your love got you ...i am way too stronger than you.....don't even try that....
i ll make your life hell......i promise......

i give you some time to think or consult your love........i ll be back .....

i lie down ....is not able to get up....realize some day the feelings the one keeps inside
of him......can take that form one day....if they aren't valued.....

"Nothing in this dies.....not even the feelings.......they change forms from one another

to change or turn life , the way they want or fight a never ending war of existence..."