"The Other Side Of Me."

the world stands apart....
from me......

they all left me on my own.....

Sitting on the roadside of a tunnel....with a minimum light ....is me .....
the dark side ......which hates being in light...hates to meet people....hates to do good,
hates to think about love.......
i stand beside him....as he laughs.....on me....
did the change happened ?....
Nope 
 .....how ashamed i am .....he said....

didn't the good deeds worked ?........
pity on you guy......
every time u try to do good.....
challenging  me... for the every cause i desire
....you waste the energy the body has...
the energy i share....because i am in this body too......

what makes u believe anyone would love you ?......
why ? 
for what ?
what can u do for them ?.....
your words are not magical ..
they are too deceiving to be true..
even if they are not......
they are just good to hear....not feasible in practicality

what the hell made you try to kill yourself ?......
he hit me to the ground.......
don't ever think of ......ending my existence....otherwise u wont be that wise again.....

y don't u just leave me on my own ?.....i asked
because i never had choice....and you never had anything good by you .....your body was the perfect place
i had......

actually , i know why are you after love .......its nothing to do with feelings .....its just that
you wanna get rid of me.......right ?.....

you wish , that happens ......because i won't let that happen......

because i m the one ......who haunts her mind......i m the if in her every sentence.....
i m the fear she has for you.......

because wherever you reside.....
i am always with you......just to make things more difficult for you 


i am the very much part of you......why you forget that..........

i have so much control over you....and i am so powerful that no one gets to see your kindness,
its all me........

all you get to hear....is "you are different when present in person and different when on phone"

come on ....don't waste time......let me drive it the way it was before.......
she wont comeback....and i promise....i wont let her comeback even if she does.....

i cant let the body to weaken up for a stupid thing called love.......

i tried to hit him on to that face of his.....but he swiftly turned and hit me hard ...
that got me down lying on the surface......

you are weak.....your love got you ...i am way too stronger than you.....don't even try that....
i ll make your life hell......i promise......

i give you some time to think or consult your love........i ll be back .....

i lie down ....is not able to get up....realize some day the feelings the one keeps inside
of him......can take that form one day....if they aren't valued.....

"Nothing in this dies.....not even the feelings.......they change forms from one another

to change or turn life , the way they want or fight a never ending war of existence..."

12 October 2011 - "The Day the End Started"

today i was very happy , not because i had/ have won a prize.
because something i intended to do , that could turn my life .....

taking steps down to a place , i imagined my future with her 
with ever-lasting happiness.
but somehow some wishes never reach the full-filler or are denied .
whatever be the reason, we never get to have it.

i saw her standing already at the place. 
i could see a shine on her face . 
it seems a good day.
even luck was by my side ........
as i reached her ...i kneel-ed down taking no time further

her words interrupted mine , to which she said "I can only be your friend for life , and never expect
me to change again."

these words i hardly get to believe in with things started to change at sudden ...i never
realized this was what she gonna say.

today was her birthday , so i couldn't follow up with any confrontation nor i could cry myself.

she walked over to see her friends ....and behind her the whole world , all my feelings, wishes
etc fell from heavens like piece of waste papers.

i was all covered with these papers , with my surroundings.

for that time, i really couldn't understand the difference between dream and reality
i assumed it to be a dream , as i never expected it to happen.

i lay there with all my feelings and wishes ....which had gone wasted
i collected my body to protect my soul and heart from getting more hurt......

after some time , some of my friends grew aware of my acquaintance ......they wanted to drive
me away from that place to which i resisted because those were actually what i earned from our relationship
it really made me rich , as it provided me the wealth of sharing few moments of my life with her.

she really turned my life with her decision , but she made something out of me which i couldn't be

i really don't know what reason to give against my wish to stay there ......which changed my life.

i can't wish for anything else but to recollect and bring back either the time i lost or the relationship i lost

in which the last one was what i dearly wanted .

i never wanted her to go away like this , but she did .

i really wanted to kill myself for going out that day.....and i actually self-invited myself to the event.