The Curse -II

The day , i knew everything
started with a smile for me...when i was getting ready..eager to know the solutions
to all my problems ...the way out of the hell....i had experienced..
 
I, in front of him...just started with my description of my sufferings...
he just told me..to chill.....they are just my illusions...
he used to take note of everything but never used to tell anything related to the truth.
i was just not satisfied with the answers..
i fail to understand ..the link to the answers and the direction to which all the situations pointed in...
 
I told him..all my observations...what i was looking for in the answers of my questions
trying to frame the picture of the reality that relates to the truth..
 
I was warned ..and not being told at first...
but i had to know it..that day or be it any day of the future..
 
The truth of my life...why everything pointed at me ..to be blamed ..
why i too felt , i make certain things ..without any reasons....
 
You are cursed...he said

Failing to understand , what it meant , and what it did ?
i questioned again...

Then he made me understand my life...
how situations led to the curse affecting you...

As i had grown accustomed to something unusual about me...i had on my own started keeping
everyone at a distance...the limit changed to be increased ..every-time everything unusual
took place...

It was tough ..to be near me..
as i tried being rude with people going way beyond the limits...and separated myself whenever i got the chance...

It was tough for someone like me...who loved to be in others company..to live like that
and the need to be around others...grew more with the growing suspicion...

Failing to effect my existence...the curse started making the people important to me
, the victim to the situations....

I couldn't stop it from affecting the important people in my life...as i didn't knew
it at all...

But when i got to know..about it..
i suspected her to be the next victim...
as she was someone important in my life....

12 October 2011 - "The Day the End Started"

today i was very happy , not because i had/ have won a prize.
because something i intended to do , that could turn my life .....

taking steps down to a place , i imagined my future with her 
with ever-lasting happiness.
but somehow some wishes never reach the full-filler or are denied .
whatever be the reason, we never get to have it.

i saw her standing already at the place. 
i could see a shine on her face . 
it seems a good day.
even luck was by my side ........
as i reached her ...i kneel-ed down taking no time further

her words interrupted mine , to which she said "I can only be your friend for life , and never expect
me to change again."

these words i hardly get to believe in with things started to change at sudden ...i never
realized this was what she gonna say.

today was her birthday , so i couldn't follow up with any confrontation nor i could cry myself.

she walked over to see her friends ....and behind her the whole world , all my feelings, wishes
etc fell from heavens like piece of waste papers.

i was all covered with these papers , with my surroundings.

for that time, i really couldn't understand the difference between dream and reality
i assumed it to be a dream , as i never expected it to happen.

i lay there with all my feelings and wishes ....which had gone wasted
i collected my body to protect my soul and heart from getting more hurt......

after some time , some of my friends grew aware of my acquaintance ......they wanted to drive
me away from that place to which i resisted because those were actually what i earned from our relationship
it really made me rich , as it provided me the wealth of sharing few moments of my life with her.

she really turned my life with her decision , but she made something out of me which i couldn't be

i really don't know what reason to give against my wish to stay there ......which changed my life.

i can't wish for anything else but to recollect and bring back either the time i lost or the relationship i lost

in which the last one was what i dearly wanted .

i never wanted her to go away like this , but she did .

i really wanted to kill myself for going out that day.....and i actually self-invited myself to the event.